In my last post I mentioned that I had been diagnosed with macular degeneration, but I somewhat "hid the lead" as there is so much going on right now, I hardly know what to mention first.
A few days before my doctor appointment, I was praying, and suddenly a voice came to me and said, "You have macular degeneration." I dismissed it as a trick of the mind. I refuse to be one of those people that clings to the oddly fantastical. I will not be oohing and ahhing over the face of Jesus appearing on a tortilla, nor am I interested in becoming an oracle for the entertainment of others. I just heard this voice and dismissed it.
A couple days later, however, when I heard the same words being said to me by the eye doctor, I was stunned. I have no idea what it means that I was given knowledge of this ahead of time. It could have been God talking to me or it could have been Satan. Chances are, it was probably Satan.
We sometimes forget that Satan will offer us powers and other emoluments to get us under his spell. When some people imagine the workings of Satan, they picture ugliness and horror. They forget that the Devil was originally created as an angel and has angelic powers. Even HE knows that you get more flies with honey than vinegar, so he will offer a person the chance to be admired by others, to be special in some way, to see the future, tell fortunes, etc. I imagine this is the reason that the Christian faith is firmly opposed to Ouija boards, palm reading, and all the related attempts at divination. This is Satan's territory, and you open yourself up to demons when you play around with these things.
It is not fashionable to believe in Satan these days. Even some men of the cloth will say they do not believe, but I assure you that Satan believes in YOU and wants nothing more than to steer you away from Jesus and his Holy Catholic Church. He is delighted that people no longer believe in him, because it allows him to move among us unseen and unrecognized.
I steer clear of all mystics, visionaries and supernatural phenomena until The Church investigates and gives thumbs up or thumbs down on its origination. It bothers me that so many have thrown themselves wholeheartedly into the Medjugorje circus, as it has several signs of being a fraud, and it is going to really upset some people when The Church refuses to sanction it. Some will leave the church, probably, as they have made it their pet project. Some will defy The Church and continue promoting it. This is classic Satan side show. Give the people something that is fantastical and otherworldly, pretending to be of God, get them hooked, and then pull them away from The Church with it. I have friends who dearly love the Medjugorje thing, and I worry about them very much. I don't think they will give it up, if The Church's decision is against it.
Anyway, I digress. Back to the macular degeneration. I really would have rather gone deaf than blind because noise really bothers me and I use my eyes a LOT in my art and my writing. We don't get to choose the crosses with which we are loaded down, however, so I must get used to this idea and try to prepare myself as best I can for what lays ahead. My philosophy is to prepare myself for the worst case scenario, and then I will be ready for anything.
Don't think I am sanguine and all relaxed about this situation, however. I do try to look on the bright side of things and accept what comes, but I admit to being very unhappy about this latest development. My entire life, I have been overshadowed by a black cloud and have always felt an almost palpable pressure, as if a great big ugly toad was sitting on me and preventing progress. Even if I made the best decision in any given situation, I always got a bad result. The last 5 years or so has been the worst, with deaths, illnesses and financial setbacks galore. People have noticed and commented that if I did not have bad luck I would have no luck at all.
The deacon at my church suggested I may be under a family curse. On both sides of the family, we were devout Catholics. In fact, I am descended from quite a few saints! In the era of the great grandparents, all of them disconnected from The Church. Many divorces, alcoholism, children abandoned, and general moral decay followed.
Now, I have this disease in both eyes which will eventually blind me, and I think, "What's next? Locusts?" There is a sweatshirt in the "Signals" catalog I received yesterday. It is black and has white lettering that says, "Oh, what FRESH HELL is this?" I don't usually buy t-shirts or sweatshirts with sayings on them, but I almost can't resist this one.
When I finish complaining about this latest news and I have adjusted myself, I plan to concentrate on getting a few things done before the sight gets worse. I need to work on memorizing a few things for which I currently rely on the written word. If I can, I need to memorize the Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary or, in the alternative, make some CDs for myself, which necessitates learning how to do that particular thing. I would also like to memorize all the meditations and the days on which they belong on the rosary.
Of particular importance to me is some serious Bible study. I just received a free course in the mail today. It is a small book, so I don't how thorough it is, but I will start with this one and move on. I would also like to memorize some favorite Bible passages.
There are MANY books I want to read, most especially the fathers and mothers of the church. There is a very large, complete set on Amazon which is about $400. It is on my wish list. I will be asking a Catholic friend if they would be willing to get it for me.
Painting is liable to become more and more difficult for me. I would like to get some paintings finished, particularly those of the saints from whom I descend, and some patron saints for a few friends of mine.
I have a 75,000 person genealogy database and have a long list of corrections and additions to make to it, but this is not something at the top of my priority list and I may eliminate it entirely. I have a cousin who is interested in genealogy. I may just give her editorial capacity on it so that she can take it up and keep it going.
I do not know how much work I will put into this blog. I will meditate on it and decide later.
Most important is getting myself moved into a more suitable housing situation. This has been on the menu for several years because I am far away from shopping and friends, and the apartment management is almost hostile toward disabled people. This particular task is somewhat daunting, and I could use some prayers with regard to this.
I do not really want to remain in Albuquerque, for many many reasons. The climate is not good for me, particularly for my eyes, as I have allergic conjunctivitis because of the dryness and wind, in addition to the macular degeneration. I don't care for the culture, and there are not many services for the poor and disabled. I DO, however, have a few friends here that I dearly love.
I need heavenly guidance on WHERE to go, whether to stay in this town or try to relocate to Oregon, where I have wanted to live for some time. I would go back to Northern California, except that the expense is way beyond me. I do have a lot of long-time friends and distant but lovely relatives who live in California, however, which is a big bonus.
I need help with all of this, and I would dearly appreciate all the prayers that you can send my way so that I am given the wisdom to make the right choices. Please ask for the intercession of the saints that I may be receptive to the guidance that the Lord sends me. Thanks so much.
God bless us all,
Silver Rose Parnell