February snow in my garden
There are times when something will happen that completely throws all plans to the wind in an unexpected and unpleasant way, and we have to discern God's will amid the mess. It is like a large snowfall in a city that doesn't customarily get much, if any, snow at all. Everyone scrambles to accommodate the slippery roads. Time tables are drastically altered, and some planned-for destinations have to be scrapped entirely.
Last Saturday, I went to confession, as I always try to do during Lent, and, for the first time, I walked away feeling relief, hopefulness, and peace. So, there I was, all shiny and freshly washed and feeling good, and for the next two days I was assaulted by some harassment at church that finally got so bad I had to leave. The harassment was completely undeserved and, looking back on it now, I see Satan's hand in it. He hates it when you make a good confession, you see, and he wanted to force me to lose my temper and take the shine off my soul. Thanks be to God, I did not lose my temper, though I did feel a tremendous amount of stress.
Sadly, I have to find another church community, since no one is going to rectify the situation at my now-former church, and my post traumatic stress has been aggravated to a degree that makes it impossible for me to continue on as I have been
Confidence in Jesus gives me great comfort at the moment. I know that he brings everything to the good for those that love him, for those that believe in him. I look forward to discovering what is his will for me and where I will end up.
In the meantime, I am renewing my zeal for community life and investigating membership in the Lay Dominicans. I had previously considered the Carmelites, but could not drum up the requisite enthusiasm for their programs. Two of my very favorite people were lay Dominicans: St. Rose of Lima and Blessed Margaret of Castello, and I would be grateful to be in their company.
The dream of a convent for disabled and elderly women is still alive, though somewhat dimmed by recent events and lack of resources. I give my will to the Lord in this matter and in all things, to the best of my ability, and wait for his instruction.
In the meantime, I am recuperating from a nasty fall on melted snow in my garage. I landed hard on the cold, wet concrete and injured quite a few body parts. As previously mentioned, plans have suddenly changed as a result of the snow storm. I wait for the snow to melt and for my body to heal.
Please pray for me as I pray for you.
Silver Rose Parnell